The Hole Read online

  I put my staff on the ground and raised both hands, palm out, in the universal sign of peaceful intent. I smiled and said, "Please, we come in peace. I did not mean to frighten you. It was an accident."

  One of the cavemen said, "Are you a god, that you can breath smoke?"

  This was my cue to gain some prestige! I said, "I am not a god, but I talk to them regularly. They gave me the ability to make smoke as a sign of their favor. They have taught me many useful things which I can pass on to you, if you will give me the chance to do so."

  The spokesman pulled his spear into a relaxed position and told his companion to do the same. "You are indeed blessed if you can talk directly to the gods. Welcome to our fire. We have just lost our shaman to a dire wolf 3 weeks ago and are in need of a replacement. Would you be interested in taking the job?"

  "You are very kind to make that offer. I will seriously consider it. Where is the rest of your band?"

  "They are out hunting. They may not be back before dark. Please, you and your woman should make yourselves comfortable and we will talk while she visits with our women inside the cave."

  "An excellent idea. Hannah, go talk to the other women while I talk to these men."

  Hannah took my backpack and put it with hers near the cave entrance, before she went in to talk to the women. One of the men said, "She is a beautiful woman. Is she your wife?"

  "She is not my wife, but she is under my protection. I have not taken a wife, yet, but I am considering doing so." Before we could get into a serious discussion which might have gotten me into trouble, the hunters came in.

  The hunters were carrying a large elk, and one of them was nursing a broken arm. I was introduced as a very powerful shaman and asked to see if there was anything I could do for Bear's broken arm. Fortunately, part of my education with the funny helmet had been an extensive course in first aid and treatment of common illnesses. The break was a simple one of only one of the bones in the forearm.

  I made something of a production of setting the bone and splinting it. I told Bear that it would be as good as new if he followed my instructions, and he promised that he would. Of course, Bear was in considerable pain, so I called for Hannah to have a local woman help her find some willow bark for brewing into an aspirin substitute. I thought that it would be effective as a pain killer, since he had not had a chance to be desensitized by over exposure to drugs.

  When they got back with the willow bark, I used my pocket knife to shred it and ordered the women to steep the shavings in boiling water. The result was a very bitter tasting tea, but I had Bear drink it all. Everybody was flabbergasted when his arm quit hurting shortly after he drank the potion. I had the women make up some more and save it for when the first dose wore off.

  I was in! I had worked my first miracle!

  Chapter Two

  After supper that night, everybody, even the children, wanted to see me breathe smoke. I had already assured them that the smoke was not dangerous to them, it was just a sign of the god's favor to me. I probably laid it on a little too thick, but I gave a real performance lighting my cigarette and puffing as much smoke as I could manage. Anybody who happened to breathe in some of the smoke immediately started coughing. I made a point of how that proved that the gods had reserved the smoke for just me. This produced a lot of sage nodding of heads among the adults and looks of awe among the children.

  The children were sent to bed after the magic smoke demonstration, and the rest of the men sat with me, talking of hunting and how crowded the neighborhood was getting. There was actually another family group, about 13 people, only 2 miles away. However, they were less favored by the gods, since they didn't have such a powerful shaman.

  Before long, I asked where the latrine was, as I was feeling some bladder and intestinal pressure. They didn't know what I was talking about! I was told to pick a convenient spot and let go. This would have to change! Some people were actually going inside the cave! I walked into the shadows and relieved myself, making use of some handy leaves to clean up.

  When I got back, my bravery was much admired. Between the wild animals and the evil spirits, I had shown a lot of courage in risking my life that way. I must really be confident of the protection offered by the gods! Shit! That jolted me. I had forgotten about the danger from animals, though I was not going to admit that.

  Tomorrow, in daylight, we were going to construct a safe and adequate latrine, or, else, Hannah and I were going to find a new band to join!

  That night, though we didn't have complete privacy, Hannah continued with my sex education. This time we concentrated on foreplay. She had her nerves and reactions tuned to duplicate those of a real woman. Man, talk about your training aids!

  She had already taught me the rudiments of kissing, but I thought I needed some more practice. I admit that I didn't take long to get to the tongue duel and we enjoyed that for a while. Yes, I said "we," Hannah assured me that she could derive pleasure from all the things which women liked, and I took her at her word.

  Hannah had me play with her breasts while we were kissing. I kneaded her tits and gently rolled her nipples between my thumb and fingers. I knew I was doing it right because she began to moan. She, next, had me gently rub the palm of my hand over her pussy. A little of this went a long way, and I felt the moisture leaking out of her tunnel. I couldn't resist and slid my middle finger into her pussy slit as I dragged my hand back and forth. At first, I wasn't going high enough, but I finally reached near the top of her slit and encountered her clit. She actually screamed when I touched it. I jerked back, thinking that I might have hurt her; by now, I was thinking of her as a woman and not as a robot. She grabbed my hand and replaced it on her pussy while assuring me that her scream was one of pleasure, not of pain.

  We kept this up for a while, but I wasn't able to restrain myself any longer. I knew about the missionary position from conversations and the bragging (lying) of my friends, so I climbed between Hannah's legs. She raised her knees to give me a better angle of approach, and that was when I noticed that the ETs had made another change in my body. My cock was now 7 inches long and about 2 inches in diameter when hard—large enough to be very pleasurable, but not so large as to be painful.

  I slipped in and let instinct take over. I started off slowly so that we could enjoy the feeling of sliding skin on skin, but I sped up as I got nearer to my climax. All this time, Hannah had been moaning in pleasure, and she got louder as our fucking continued. Suddenly she screamed out an orgasm and clamped her vaginal wall down on my cock so that I couldn't move. Perforce, I stopped moving until she had come down a little, and then I resumed my pumping motions. She began to rise toward another peak and reached it just as I shot my first jet. We continued to climax together, and I know we woke up everybody else in the cave, because we soon heard sounds of sexual activity all around us. That was all I could do that night, so we went into the sleep of the sated.

  The next morning, I gave the whole band my first lecture in public health. I was not necessarily completely accurate in my emphasis on the evil spirits that lived in shit and piss, but I had to do something to drive my points home. I said that the use of a proper latrine was one of the commandments the gods had given me. To heighten the effect of my lecture, I smoked several cigarettes while I was talking to show how the gods felt on the subject.

  When I thought I had driven my points sufficiently deep, I asked for volunteers to dig the latrine under the supervision of the gods and me. In a great show of public spirit, most of the men immediately volunteered their wives to dig. I let that slide for now, I'd work on female equality later, right now we were in bad need of the latrine.

  I asked Hannah to select some "volunteers" to help her to dig. The night before, I had alerted her to my plan for the latrine and told her AI to find the best place for the pit, but to make it look like I had done the selection. I wanted to enhance my shaman image. It took only a few minutes to select a suitable location. They dug a pit about 3 feet de
ep and left the loose dirt in a pile to be used to cover the evidence after each use. I had the men rig a log over the pit for us to sit on; at least the women couldn't complain that some man had left the seat up!

  They didn't understand the modesty shield I had them erect, but I explained that the gods would bless it, and the shield would keep the evil spirits away. It might even help with warding off wild animals, but I made no promises, there.

  The band was so proud of their new latrine that I think that Chief Big Foot would have christened it if we'd had any champagne. Instead, we all had a swig of the local beer; God, it was awful! The whole band had to try it out; man, were they excited by it! Some even came back for seconds! By the time I had finished blessing the latrine, and the festivities had wound down, the day was shot, but nobody was disappointed; the band had not had so much fun in years!

  There was still plenty of meat left from the last elk kill, so the hunters wouldn't have to go out until tomorrow. Naturally, they asked me, as the shaman, to point them toward the best hunting grounds. Also, naturally, I had no idea where to direct them. So I stalled and asked for time to sleep on it; perhaps the gods would visit me in a dream with some guidance. This fit perfectly into their beliefs, so I had a short reprieve. That night I asked Hannah for advice, and she gave me two likely spots to try, but with no guarantee.

  That night, I had Hannah continue my education in sex. This appeared to be a popular activity for the rest of the occupants of the cave, judging from the sounds as we finished.

  The next morning, I related to Chief Big Foot what I was told in my "dream." He could understand the lack of a guarantee, but he was more than willing to give my suggestions a try. He said that we would try one place, and, if that didn't work out, we would try the other. Simple, that was their normal practice, anyway.

  I finally tumbled to the "we" in his comments. I was expected to come along and make sure that what the hunters did was acceptable to the gods. The whole band was sure that Bear's broken arm resulted from some goof that had insulted the gods; they had only given him a simple break because they knew that he had screwed up out of ignorance. Man, they put a hell of a lot of pressure on me!

  The first place we came to was a large clearing, and it was full of elk. What a relief; the gods and I were off the hook! Chief Big Foot asked if the gods had any advice, and I countered by asking what was their normal hunting procedure.

  He said that they got low in the tall grass and crept up on the elk. The first person who got close enough simply jumped up and stabbed his victim. When asked, he said that they all came in from the same direction, so, when the animals moved, they just had to creep farther in hopes of catching one.

  I suggested that he try surrounding the elk and have everybody move in at the same time. That way, if the elk moved away from one hunter, they would be moving toward another. He was struck dumb by the brilliance of the gods in coming up with that idea. I just hoped that nothing went wrong!

  Chief Big Foot explained the new strategy to his hunters. Some were dubious, but all agreed to give the new scheme a try. The novelty, alone, was worth the fun of trying. Man, those guys were good! They just disappeared in the tall grass. The animals were milling around, but none appeared to sense any danger.

  I wasn't expected to do any killing—that wasn't the shaman's job, but I had a nerve-wracking wait of about 40 minutes while nothing seemed to happen. Suddenly, a man on the far side of the animals jumped upright and stabbed, mortally wounding his target. A quick slash with a bone knife completed the job.

  This activity caused the rest of the animals to bolt in my direction. Only moments later, two more hunters jumped up and killed their prey in the same way. The rest of the hunters just stood up and let the remaining animals escape. They never killed more than they could use!

  While the hunters were field dressing the kills, Chief Big Foot commented that this was the best hunt they had ever had. In fact, they were going to have some trouble carrying this much meat home. I asked if he had ever considered using a travois to haul stuff. He said that he had never heard of such a thing, so I showed him how one was made.

  We took two straight saplings and trimmed them. We laid two shorter saplings crosswise and tied them to the longer poles. We then put two more saplings across the empty space and laid the roughly butchered elk across the supports made by the shorter saplings. Once this was done, two men grabbed the longer poles and pulled. Everybody agreed that this was easier than carrying the meat on their backs, so two more travois were constructed, and we started for home.

  We arrived back at the cave much sooner than anybody had expected, amid a lot of joy over so much meat and no injuries in getting it. Bear and Turtle had been left as guards and were amazed when the hunt was described to them. They could hardly wait for their turns at the fun.

  The women fell to the job of butchering the meat by cutting it into narrow strips for converting into jerky and pemmican. The drying racks were set up and the fires were built by the time the meat was ready to be processed. A little meat was saved to be used the next day, but most was dried. Before I showed up, hunting had not been very good, and they had gone through most of their jerky. I hoped that they were right in their optimistic expectation that I was going to insure good hunting from now on.

  Suddenly, there was a cry of warning from Turtle, who was still acting in his capacity as watchman. Everybody looked in his direction and saw him pointing at a monster wolf just on the other side of the stream. All the hunters took up their spears, and all the women and children ran into the cave. I asked Bear, "What does the wolf want?"

  "He followed the hunters. The trail of blood led him to us. He looks like the wolf that killed our last shaman. You had better be careful!"

  "Are the spears your only weapons?" I asked, with some trepidation.

  "Yes, except for some rocks we can throw. Please don't get yourself killed. You have been lucky for us, so far."

  "I'll try not to!" I assured him.

  This wolf must have been partial to shamans; he looked like he made a sudden decision and charged right at me. I knew that there was no way I could run away from him; my only option was to fight. I also knew that I was sure to lose if I tried to stab him with the spear held in my hand. Therefore, I set the butt of my spear on the ground and braced it with my foot. I kept the sharp end pointed at the wolf as he charged. My friends were not idle; they were throwing anything they could find at the wolf, but he was not deterred or distracted. He was determined to get me, why I don't know.

  The wolf got close and leaped. I am sure that my reflexes and strength had been enhanced by the ETs, but I am also sure that luck had a lot to do with the fact that my spear point caught the flying wolf in the chest. He hit so hard that he knocked me down and landed on top of me, with my spear driven clear through his body. He wasn't dead yet, but my friends saw to that. The wolf was stabbed by spears and knives, so he had no further opportunity to harm me.

  Hannah ran up and grabbed me around the neck. Her crying and kisses were giving a good imitation of a real human woman relieved that her lover, her spouse, her protector was alive and unharmed. I realized that I hoped that this affection was not all sham. I hugged and kissed her back as soon as the dead wolf was rolled off me.

  When things calmed down a little bit, I lit a cigarette. This was the perfect political move, though I didn't know it at the time. The smoke coming from me reinforced to my friends that the gods were happy that I had survived!

  My God! That damned wolf was a big as a small horse! I was probably the most surprised of anyone that I had survived the attack. I think that my friends expected the gods to protect me when it finally came to a showdown; they had no idea how vulnerable I really was!

  Chief Big Foot declared that the wolf skin was to be tanned by the most skilled woman in the band, and it would be fashioned into a robe of honor for me to wear on all ceremonial occasions. Who was I to argue? I'm just as vain as the next guy!

&nbs
p; Once I had a chance to think about it, I was really concerned that our only effective killing weapon was the stabbing spear. I had to do something about that right away. However, custom and convention forced my diplomacy. I sure as hell couldn't say outright what lousy weapons those stabbing spears were, since I had used one to save my own life. I had to let the gods guide me; therefore, I would have a "dream" tonight which would tell me what to do.

  I went to bed early, telling everyone how tired I was from the fight with the wolf. That was actually true, but I was not really as tired as I pretended to be. I spent a lot of time consulting with the AI inside Hannah, and we came to the conclusion that the throwing spear, launched by the atlatl, would be the best answer to our needs.

  The next morning, I approached Chief Big Foot with the story of my "dream." I told him that the gods had visited me during the night with the description for a new weapon. The gods felt that his people were too valuable to risk with just the stabbing spear, and, through me, they would teach him how to use the new weapon.

  The two of us went to the tree line to find some suitable saplings. I used my pocket knife to cut what I needed and whittled two atlatls and some short spears. I told him that this was my first time, too, with this new weapon, so it would probably take a little time for me to master it.

  My first few attempts were ludicrous, but I quickly caught the knack of handling the new weapon. Chief Big Foot was even quicker to learn, and he immediately saw the advantages of the atlatl and spear. The problem was that the spear was somewhat unstable in flight; it needed a flint spear point to be a finished weapon.

  On of the skills taught me by the ETs was knapping of flint. None of my friends used the skill; they traded for what little flint tools they had. However, Big Foot did know where some flint could be found, so we planned to mount an expedition to get some very soon, tomorrow if possible.